The Woman I Was Meets the Woman I Am
Ten years later, I’m not the same woman who earned all that respect. I’m the woman who learned how to respect herself first.
Hanging out with people from my past, but as my future self.
When I’m into something, I’m all in.
In one of the lives I’ve lived across four continents, I was very good at the role I played and the responsibilities I carried. After 20+ years, I’d earned quite the reputation… respect, admiration, even influence. So much so that, even now, ten years removed from that world, I still receive the same love and regard.
How does that make me feel? Honestly, it blows me away. It’s wild how, while you’re in the thick of something, you don’t really see yourself, especially if you’re still trying to figure your own stuff out. Apparently, while I was busy putting my own mask on (as the flight attendants caution before takeoff), I still found a way to help others put on theirs.
Now don’t get it twisted, I messed up along the way too. I remember a dinner at my daughter’s house where one of her childhood friends called me out in front of everyone. She remembered a time when I didn’t help her put her mask on. The room went silent as she spoke, full of emotion, resurrecting the rage she felt as a child.
I let her finish. My eyes never left hers. The room faded; it was just the two of us. Maybe the others were shocked she said it out loud. Maybe they thought she was exaggerating. I didn’t care. I was listening… trying to recall the incident she described in such vivid detail. I couldn’t. But it was real to her, and that was enough.
I waited until she was completely done. She took a deep breath… and so did I. Then, in the softest tone I could find, filled with love, I told her the truth: I didn’t remember it, but if she said it happened, it happened. And from the depths of my soul, I was sorry.
Her grievance was fair. I had taken something into my own hands that should’ve been left to her parents. She was right. I couldn’t recall the specifics, but I remembered she was a troubled child. That was enough for me.
So why am I sharing this story? (I actually forgot for a second!)
Ah, yes… because ten years later, I am not the same woman.
I still go all in, but that energy is reserved for me now. I go all in on my boundaries, my goals, my desires, my loves, my wills and my won’ts. This version of me didn’t exist back then, but she does now.
So when I run into people from my past life, I sometimes wonder… will they accept Joi 5.0?
Well, that’s really up to them. Because I am solid in who I am today, and I’m cheering for the woman I’m still becoming.
Courage isn’t my slogan.
It’s my lifestyle.
Deal with it.
That kind of clarity doesn’t come easy.
It comes from detoxing every decision that was made to please, prove, or survive.
If you’re ready to decide with confidence, The Decision Detox will help you clear the noise and hear yourself again.
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I remember that day. She and I have talked about that moment. She said “I can’t believe she listened to me and she apologized I love your emah (mom).”